by Amy Applebaum

There are 5 primary reasons you are in a bad relationship. I’ve got lots of male friends, and I love hanging out with them. I love it until they get themselves tangled up in a relationship that is 100 percent wrong for them. These are totally great guys I’m talking about here, who overnight turn into the walking dead. But why?

How does my best bud with all the prospects in the world end up in a relationship with that chick? I think I’ve got it narrowed down to five possible answers:

1. You’re afraid to say what you really think. Your significant other bashes your friends, your choice of sweaters, your furniture, and even your dog. Yet you sit there and take it like a lump. Speak your mind, man! She’ll either start respecting you or you’re going to split over it. It’s a win-win situation!

2. You were trying to please somebody else. Are you dating someone because your mother always wanted you to end up with a girl who is Jewish/Catholic/Quaker and would make a great wife/mother, but now she’s just making you miserable/unfulfilled/daydream about jumping the median into on-coming traffic? Stop trying to please everyone else but yourself!

3. You don’t know what you want. Maybe you’ve landed in a bad spot because you don’t even know what you want for yourself. Try to figure out the qualities you really want in a woman, then go out and find her! (Important: If you keep notes on this matter, PLEASE don’t leave them lying around where she can find them).

4. You’ve chosen style over substance. Your girlfriend looks great, but she’s about as interesting as Fantasy NASCAR, and as deep as a puddle. Go find someone who excites you for all the right reasons. If you’re in this for the long haul you need to load up on personality traits that never fade, sag, or require surgical enhancements.

5. You are afraid to be alone. Fear is a tricky thing. It will keep you from leaving even the worst relationships because you’re afraid nobody else will want you. But, the more time you spend with someone who’s bad for you the more your self-esteem goes down the crapper. Consequently, you stay because you feel like she’s the only game in town. Trust me: hit the open market again and you’ll feel better almost instantly. And that confidence is the ultimate magnet-du-chick.