Dear Amy,

I’m so busy I don’t have time to go meet people randomly at a bar. I want to try something more strategic, so I’ve decided to try online dating, but I have some questions about creating my profile. Namely, I don’t want to attract the wrong kind of guy. I really want to get married, and I don’t want to waste my time on guys who aren’t ready to commit! I want to find my man, get that ring, and get on with it! Question is: should I state this in my online dating profile – and if so, how?

Signed,

Ringless

First, Congratulations on your new dating strategy.  It’s perfect.  You won’t waste time with people who aren’t a good fit for you… excellent idea!
Second… Whoa! Your question is a good one, but you might want to pull back on the reigns just a bit. “Getting on with it” is a bit too aggressive and isn’t where your intentions should be. It’s important to be clear about your goals (good job in that regard), but don’t you want to get to know Mr. Right before you become his Mrs.? Now, as for creating your online profile, how much information about your intentions should you share? Here’s my advice:

You want to be clear in your dating goals without scaring off potential fits. Stress the fact that you are looking for something with serious, long-term potential. First step: be direct when it comes to filling out the questionnaire. Click “yes” where it asks if you are interested in marriage and kids, if those are your ultimate goals. Then you can use the Description section to emphasize the fact that you’re looking to build a lasting relationship with a life-long partner.

If it’s just the ring you want, you can head to the pawn shop, right? Remember, the ring is a symbol of what marriage represents: a daily commitment to your partnership, friendship, children, romance, etc. In addition to being clear on your profile, I’d suggest taking an even more proactive approach. Create a list of your desired attributes in a partner. Work on your conflict resolution skills. Focus on a serious hobby or interest that might help you attract a man with similar interests. Including a passion on your profile is a great way to attract someone like you!

While wondering what to put in your profile is a natural starting question, dig deeper and figure out other ways that you might change your life in order to achieve your real goals. This is where good friends, good soul-searching, and yes, even the help of a great life coach might come in handy. Don’t back down from expressing what you want. If it’s important to you, it should be important to your potential partner. Just make sure you make it clear you are looking for the partner, not the ring. Good luck!

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